I was lying in bed the other night, and something materialised for me. You could say it is an understanding of life, or a personal philosophy, or a spiritual sense of things. I have been talking to a good friend about a relational view of all things, how everything is connected. I have been practicing the circle way with a group of friends, presencing connection with them, and gaining more and more trust in the process of existence, and the connectedness of all things. This and many other experiences and learnings have coalesced into two words that help me to describe all of this: big flow.
It’s the sense of how everything around us is flowing, interacting, like one great river of energy, love, aliveness, and experience. That if we follow our instincts, then we can feel the contours of the universe, see which direction they travel and what the grain is guiding us to do next: what the flow wants us to do. Which path is choosing us right now. What is coming to life and what needs to die. How all the people past present and future are inside of us, like my brother that died when I was three, but who I can feel living in parallel to me, with a wife and two boys. My mother that died long ago but who I can feel inside of me, because nothing ever really dies.
In the film Interstellar, one of the main characters talks about how love might actually be a force, like gravity, and gravity is the force in the film that can act across time. Time is another dimension that can be moved through, like the three dimensions that we can move forwards and backwards in. We experience time as moving forwards, but there is ample evidence in physics that this is a simplistic version of how things really are.
I used to feel lonely a lot, like when I was sitting at home alone at night, that I was not connected to anybody or anything, and for some reason I just couldn’t see past my twitter stream. I’m sure I’ll feel lonely again at some point, to some degree, but this sense of big flow anchors me to the connection with everything. vines, everywhere, growing over top and around, and through each other. Entwined, enmeshed, inseperable, interdependent, interinfluential. I’m recovering from a consumerist view of life, where even nature, even moments, relationships, everything is an extractable resource. From the empty gnawingness of that virus to feeling the flow of resources, energy, and aroha(love), from me to others, from others to others, from others to me. Feeling my son’s hand brush across my face as his grandmother sings him lullabies on skype from half way across the world.
Thank you to all the people, experiences, energies, that have contributed to my growth and healing, allowing me to see things this way. Thank you for opening my eyes to big flow!